/ audacious

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

friday will be my interview.
and its 09.10am.
shit, i must wake up damn early. like before 7am?
i have to make myself to reach school by 8.45am.
ahahahha. liddat there won't be any chances for me to be late alr.

well, term ending in another 2 weeks. so many damn deadlines...
argh...
hols starting = job hunting soon.
i'm tired of doing sales line.
maybe go chk out some mags if they're providing internship.
or see got any freelance to do...
or just stay home and be tai tai.
ahahahaaha.

4 months tmr le.
:))

{11:39:00 pm}

Saturday, March 25, 2006

sigh. its a saturday and i'm at home the whole day.
in a bad mood.
i dunno why my emotion will always be control by whatever he does.
yah, i'm unhappy;
and jealous, very jealous;
but i turned ard and ask myself, am i too self-centered? or selfish even?

dear, i'm sorry that i speak to u in that tone that day.
well, its just that one thing lead to another.
and i felt threatened;
maybe u can say i'm sensitive or even paranoid
but i'm scared
i dun want such stuff to happen to me again...

sigh...

{6:16:00 pm}

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

i can't stand my mum. sigh. just can't stand living with her. she's a such perfectionist and i'm such so imperfect.
well, i find nothing wrong with myself. yar, i'm lazy, dirty, messy, wadever. that's me, i live without thinking tomorrow, :///

somehow, i just like how the way my room is messy. its easier to take stuff. its not tt i dun like to be organised, i also love to see all my stuff arranged properly, but the thing is once its nicely arrange, i won't feel like destroying the whole thing, so i won't touch it again. get my point? so everytime when i found my stuff all arranged properly, i have the urge to go and mess everything up first before i decide i don't want to touch it.

want to have a glimpse at my room?? here it go;

messy eh? haha. from my point of view, its not really eh, hey, i make an effort to make my bed every morning k. but if i did not i'll be killed by her.

the thing abt today was that, i stayed at home the whole day, i didn't eat my lunch cos i can't find anything to eat so forget it lar. when she came home i said i'm hungry cos nothing to eat , she was like, then the spaghetti in the fridge leh? me- huh? in the fridge ah, i dunno. cannot find in the rice cooker just now. she say she told me, i say i didn't hear. ok, wadever, i finish it during dinner lar, but she keep preaching on it. then, she scolded me for, i didn't switch off the dvd player after watching. duh, i'm always liddat wad. after that was i din help with sweeping the floor. eh, excuse me? it was her that snatch the mop from me, and say i shld do it earlier, cos i'm damn slow. well, i know how freaking slow i am. i dun really meant to live in this society. i'm just so lazy. i can lie down there and wait for the sky to drop. these are all the reasons why i felt reluntant to be at home, apart from the quarrelling between them.

sometimes i wondered, did my mum really gave birth to me? why am i so different from the whole family?

sigh.

{12:16:00 am}

Saturday, March 18, 2006

in a prettie ppl mood

am so slack...
projects and assignments are coming to an end soon, which means the crazy days are arriving.
but i'm still in a slack mood.
hah.
interview w the fashion dept soon. shld be on the 23rd one loh. nvm.
cos i submitted the form late. my fault, so end up in second round of interview.
looking at the bright side, at least can ask the 1st round ppl wad they asked and
since i'm the 1st choice ppl in 2nd round and others that ended up in 2nd round are 2nd choice ppl
den i'm certainly better then them. haha.

oh well, doing more research on the fashion industry since it will be the head of dept interviewing, whom is this freak from britain. but i like him. ahahahaha.
anyw, Christopher Bailey will be one of my fav designer now. see his pics den u will understand.

so shuai right?? somemore he designs for BURBERRY.
cos my others fav designers, Karl Lagerfeld(he designs for Chanel), Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana(D&G) are all lao ah peks. opps... no lar, just that they are older and looks a bit "girly"... haha. whereby Christopher Bailey is quite cute.
well well, i'm so into fashion mags, fashion shows and hot girls nowadays... haha.

preettie prettie ppl... i like !

{11:12:00 am}

Sunday, March 12, 2006

chalet pics

{2:56:00 am}

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

chosing of background colour;

ok ppl, no need to agrue. we vote, see which one nicer.

{8:15:00 pm}

new skin :))

finally the small incident over le.
shall recap the happy parts of the chalet, since i nvr meation abt it.

fri, attended media class in the morn. took bus to costa sands,
he's a bit cracky due to bus ride and those heavy stuff he need to carry which due to his lousy girlfriend's misorganisation.
anyw, everything turns out okay once we reached the chalet.
was so so afraid that mum will find out that there's only the 4 of us there.
went white sands for dinner and meet up ser and ter.
after dinner, we went ntuc bought some stuff, that's when ser pointed out to me that there's another purple headed near us. so i said to them that my purple is nicer loh, and anyw, hers is diff, her fringe is red and the back is purple, so lian. that's when terence said, now there's two grp of ppl debating whether whose hair is nicer, each side will say theirs nicer. hah. that's funny.

watched saw after we settled down.
ok, its not so gross when u watch the 2nd time but it's still quite scary.
i was hugging the pillow and blanket.
after watching, the two guys played some soccer game on ps2 that i dun really understand.
just when i'm falling asleep, they ask me and ser to play bomberman which ser always play.
i'm like an idiot playing that at first. but its fun. and the video dickson shot when me and ser was playing was hilarious. i din know the both of us are so funny.
we went to sleep at 2+ as terence was gg to wake up at 6+ the nx day.

the moment when i realised i was outta dreamland was when the maintenance knocked on our door,
for a moment we tot was my mum.
we slacked ard in the bed awhile more and talked crap before we went for breakfast and escape !!
alright, escape was damn fun. especially only for $4 each and we still gt complimentary tic due to some rides not working.
the first ride was this car thingy. that make me and ser tot of the bomberman cart we played last night. we shared on car and ser drove it. its damn hilarious i tell u, 1st the car gt stuck at the slop and the people gotta come and help to push. then when we are reaching the end and ser was braking the car, it sudden knock towards the side twice, which due to- i stepped on her accelerator. imagine that's a real car. that's gonna kill.

huanted hse was also fun. okay, i admit that i'm scare, but it's all dickson's fault lar.
the whole trip we're screaming like mad. haha.

next, fast forward to the trip to pub.
they're watching the soccer match, the only thing i know was its call newcastle
and when they scored everyone was singing this out of tune cheer. hah.
watched and drank till i fall asleep. and as what they say, i was bit drunk when i wake up.
i know we walk to chinatown and have supper, and i was walking very tipsily.geez.
afterwhich, we walked to take bus back. i remembered k.
okay, he got told me stuff like i almost quarrel w him when they wanted to run for the bus. like i said smtg like, you want to run u run la. i guess i'm being a brat the whole time. hehe. oh. and i cried on the bus. geez... and i dunno.

thru the chalet, i guess our relationship did grow stronger. dear, ure the best boyfriend ever. everything u did for me, how u tolerate my laziness, my messy character. really love u a lot. :))

alright, mon din went to sch;
actucally packed my stuff alr, but was so depressed that i went to his block and waited for him to come down for work.
partly was also because of my swollen eyes, its damn swollen lar.
anyw, acc him to work then went to lib and waited for his break,
afterthat, went coffeebean and shopped ard while waiting for him to finish work.
that's how my day went. hah.

and not in the mood to go sch tmr too.
i'm taking a long long break from sch... geez.

anyw, changed blog skin le. as u can see.
edited in mac com but it turned out differently in pc so hv to edit again in pc.
but its still slightly diff, but look frm mac com still nicer.
haha.

{12:36:00 am}

Sunday, March 05, 2006

firstly, i have to make some clarification here.
gonna be a long post, i'm not taking any sides or wadever,
but just gotta let u guys know my situation.

much apologies for what had happened/ turned out last night.
firstly, i did not organise for a class chalet.
i'm not putting blame on anyone here but you see,
its my birthday and i wanted a chalet. i leave it to zhimin to organise,
and i have to thanks her for that, i just wanna hv some ppl that i hv not seen for ages to be there,
and she said it would be weird to ask all the guys to be here for my birthday, and she suggested a class gathering.
and i said ok, up to everyone, i dun really care if people even knows its my birthday.
and for your information, my boyfriend paid for the chalet. and it costs $290 for 2 nights,
if you do the maths, 1 night will be $145.
i just felt that since its known as a class gathering, ppl that stay have to pay, or else, it won't be fair to my boyfriend,
agree??
and $5 was not unreasonable, consider just how many ppl stayed, and we did provide stuff like ps2 and vcd players for u guys which again belongs to my bf and the games belong to ser's bf.

for the bbq, zhimin catered for that. it costs $138.20.
and for goodness sake, me and my bf have to walk all the way to the carpark beside the beach to collect 2 big whole box of stuff from the caterer, all the way back to the chalet. and its heavy, very heavy. i still hv scars left for carrying that. and did anyone helped?
no, everyone is happily playing arcade.
next, we haven rent the bbq pit, so again, me and my bf hv to go rent it, and we dun hv cash left cos we just paid for the bbq stuff. and, we have to walk all the way to downtown east to cash out the money.
i'm way pissed off during that time alr.
do u know that its my bf that help to set up all the bbq stuff and help bbq the food when everyone just sit there and dun bother to do anything?? and in the first place, he can just heck care. he even burned his finger for helping out.
its so swollen, and being his girlfriend, of cos felt pain and anger.
i'm sorry that i flared my temper to everyone. but seriously, its not the first day u ppl know me, and how wrong could i be for being angry w all the above stuff???

in total, i just received 160 bucks for both the chalet and bbq. and i hv to ask, how much is the bbq stuff? how much is the chalet? am i wrong that i can sleep in the air conditioned room when me and my bf paid mostly for the chalet?

next, looking at the amt we paid and the time and effort for organising the chalet, i do think that i have the right to invite ppl i wan. i actually placed all my close friends that are not from 4e3 on friday night, and due to some last min stuff they cannot make it, but they are kind enough to come on sat. its MY miscalculation k. i did not realise how serious situation is, or else i would not ask qilin to come. i tot all of us are friends after all. i do not want to take sides and from my point of view, its childish for both of u to make such a big fuss over a small mole at our age. i'm really sorry i actually caused so much unhappiness to u, huishan. its because its u that i wrote so much stuff, if its some other ppl, i dun even give a damn how freaking unhappy they are.

haiz... i shld hv stay with u guys last night if i know that the soccer match take so long.
at least can still spend some time talking. i'm really very sorry.
and i'm somehow drunk when i went back to the chalet last night, that's why i slept early.
or else i would stay up, and maybe will hv some time spend w u guys.
i know all these stuff makes no different now.
but anyw.... wadever now.

back to my own stuff. as u all know, my mum dun like me being w my bf.
and so i need to say lots of lies in order to hv my bf staying over.

i tot that since the chalet is over i need not hv much worry alr.
but my mum wanted to see what dickson gave to me for my birthday.
ok, not wanted to see, is ordered me to show it to her.
i'm really stupid to show it to her. i tot she mean well u know,
i dunno that she will kick up another fuss abt it.
like, its so sweet of him to do a jigsaw out of a pic that we took some time ago.
and when she saw it she just nagged and everything became so crazy.
we can't i hv my mum and bf at the same time.
i'm really highly stressed. she is damn angry,
with me.
those hurtful words.
she said she dun wanna care abt me alr,
and she will never accept him.

i'm 18, and my world are like falling apart.
i'm really depressed.
had that feeling of jumping down from my room just now.
just an urge dun worry.
i won't.

{9:20:00 pm}

Thursday, March 02, 2006

duh.

am so so tired??
its a very very mixed feeling.
like i'm supposed to be happy and excited,
but am very weared off now.
supposed to be a happy occasion.
why do she have to make me so damn pissed.
one truth lead to some many lies.
but she just dun understand one thing call reverse psychology. hah.

so yah.
tmr will be gg to chalet.
3 more days to 18.
haix...
i guess the more ppl object the stronger we will be bind tgt.
its not that i want to rebel, its just that the feeling just grow deeper everyday,
even when there's lots of obstruct and i'm lost in a fit of hysterics, i'll still tell myself never let go,
and i never will. its clearer to me every step we've taken.
but i felt so guilty, that he have to go thru all these with me.
just dun understand why they dun understand;

but still kindda scare of tmr.
wadever.

oh well, went to marina's k box last sat w ql and ser.
and they gave us this damn big room and we all went crazy in it.

the big big room.

its been a long time since the three of us went out tgt.

craziness.... they just love the edison chen i took !! climbing and jumping ard in k box, we are best at that, especially in sucha big rm.

i look damn unphotogenic, compared to the both act sweet + cute. opps....

{11:22:00 pm}